When iron turns into glass

I've experienced some strong kinds of feelings recently. Some I think are too heavy to bear. Yet, I don't believe those words, I'm too stubborn even to accept that I can be weak. I can't be weak, it is too hard. I am a girl with a lot of hopes and dreams, and I keep hoping and dreaming. But my dreams are hard to take in... they clash with reality. And reality is mean.

A portuguese writer said that if we were perfect dreamers we wouldn't need the real world for anything. And he is right... We only dream expecting it to come true, that's why we are so not at all perfect, because dreams should be enough by themselves... and they are not.

I once thought of myself as made of iron, I thought nothing could reach me so deep. I locked some parts of me deep inside, but there's a gap. And through this gap I let some parts of myself fly out. It was the wrong moment. I didn't let anything reach it, I went looking for it. And being stubborn enough to let it shatter me, like I was made of thin glass. I saw darkness once. Dark, dark times. And I thought I had recovered, but I was wrong... there's no recovering. What is lost, is lost.

But the hope isn't gone. As it is said, it will be the last to perish. Meanwhile, it kills me. It kills me because I know it is wrong, sometimes you just know it is wrong, but how to deal? That's the unreachable answer...

First, how did I get myself caught up in such crazyness? Why couldn't I see where I was going? Being rational seemed such an easy task. The fact is that we can never know, and that is painfully beautiful. Life says: "Oh, now it's the time for surprises, let's give her the punch".
After a while, the pain doesn't feel so bad, you get used to it.
I'm used to it, but I'd rather not be.

P.S.: I wrote this a while ago, but I did not like it. I still don't but since I have nothing better to give you guys...
This post reminds me of a song by Three Days Grace: "I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all"